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Today I write about space. I think I have just nipped a meltdown in the bud - I've not had quite enough processing time for some really important personal stuff. About 80-90% of enough. Parenting and running a house are both demanding tasks, and I'm working on streamlining the latter, but you can't skimp on the former. I had a possibly life changing interview today. And everyone wants a slice of my attention and is slack at getting back to me and closing the loops so those plates are still spinning. That's something that can be pruned too.
And I am still not getting around to all the things I want to do.
So today I've listened to my whizzy buzzy brain and its impending overwhelm and just stepped back. One of the things I identified needing was my space. Space to just be me and self soothe without yammering. It's surprisingly hard - I magnetise people with shitty boundaries. It's been interesting just sitting and holding myself and my reactions when people don't constantly push at my boundaries and demand my attention.
So there are all these things I want to do and don't get around to. Dressmaking, writing, making things. That's a thing. And it's a thing that has been warped a little by people pressuring me to do those things.
And there are a couple of things that give my brain some space to actually simmer down and uncoil and be its best self. Those first things are not going to happen until I get this defragging down to be a good and effective habit. Colouring. And playing computer games. Those two things put a healthy dissociative fence around my brain, let it heal, and recharge my batteries.
Computer games I have pondered for a bit. I've played those for 40 years, and often questioned whether it's a healthy thing. There's a lot of debate about whether it's a healthy thing, and I've read it all.
It isn't a major force in my life. I enjoy gaming, I'm evangelical about gaming, but I don't feel massively sucked towards it when I'm not doing it. I think I just do it to unwind, and nothing seems to suffer from me doing it except my kid occasionally gets cranky that I'm not making her enough snacks.
LOL.
And colouring is just a nice thing to do. It stretches my brain just beyond itself without hideous consequences. And actually, gaming does that. They both act as distress tolerance techniques, which I wish I'd worked out earlier in my life. And I love the exploration in gaming - I can get absorbed in a whole new world.
So yeah. If I can't be entirely on my own (which is a bit unreasonable most of the time) colouring and gaming give me space. They soothe and stretch me, but are secondary to anything better going on.
I am really really enojying the gaming. I get to explore new worlds that I would never ever see in my life. I've finished two new games and I'm redoing an old previously completed game now. There's art and cinematography and stories. And all the things that make me go OOOO.
And I am still not getting around to all the things I want to do.
So today I've listened to my whizzy buzzy brain and its impending overwhelm and just stepped back. One of the things I identified needing was my space. Space to just be me and self soothe without yammering. It's surprisingly hard - I magnetise people with shitty boundaries. It's been interesting just sitting and holding myself and my reactions when people don't constantly push at my boundaries and demand my attention.
So there are all these things I want to do and don't get around to. Dressmaking, writing, making things. That's a thing. And it's a thing that has been warped a little by people pressuring me to do those things.
And there are a couple of things that give my brain some space to actually simmer down and uncoil and be its best self. Those first things are not going to happen until I get this defragging down to be a good and effective habit. Colouring. And playing computer games. Those two things put a healthy dissociative fence around my brain, let it heal, and recharge my batteries.
Computer games I have pondered for a bit. I've played those for 40 years, and often questioned whether it's a healthy thing. There's a lot of debate about whether it's a healthy thing, and I've read it all.
It isn't a major force in my life. I enjoy gaming, I'm evangelical about gaming, but I don't feel massively sucked towards it when I'm not doing it. I think I just do it to unwind, and nothing seems to suffer from me doing it except my kid occasionally gets cranky that I'm not making her enough snacks.
LOL.
And colouring is just a nice thing to do. It stretches my brain just beyond itself without hideous consequences. And actually, gaming does that. They both act as distress tolerance techniques, which I wish I'd worked out earlier in my life. And I love the exploration in gaming - I can get absorbed in a whole new world.
So yeah. If I can't be entirely on my own (which is a bit unreasonable most of the time) colouring and gaming give me space. They soothe and stretch me, but are secondary to anything better going on.
I am really really enojying the gaming. I get to explore new worlds that I would never ever see in my life. I've finished two new games and I'm redoing an old previously completed game now. There's art and cinematography and stories. And all the things that make me go OOOO.
